We understand it's natural for your hands to land on whatever's in the vicinity (head, shoulders, soft-serve ice-cream machine, senator, whatever), and some good-natured hair-stroking shouldn't be a problem. However, you must be very, very gentle. You'll also want to avoid using your hands in a forceful, demeaning sort of way. Very few women are into that. The fact is, you needn't feel pressure to do anything noteworthy with your hands. Idle hands are no longer the devil's playthings.
Drive him wild: Have your man lie on his stomach and give him a massage by doing light, karate-chop type movements along his sacrum. "Doing this not only stimulates those sacral nerves, but also triggers the parasympathetic nervous system which is key for relaxing, letting go, and having an orgasm," Michaels says. (Related: 7 Tips for a Better Orgasm)
Couples so often get into a sex routine — same time of night, same place, same position. And while your husband may not make an active move to change things, men want to have the power to switch up patterns and take total control, says Haltzman. Get out one of his silk ties, have him bind your hands together, and let him take it from there. We suspect you won't regret it.
Lines like “it doesn’t mean we’ve had real sex – you’ll still be a virgin”, or “if you don’t want sex then you should at least go down on me”, or “it’s not as risky as having intercourse”, all suggest pressure and coercion. Remember that oral sex should be fun for both of you. If one person is doing it because they feel pressured, it can sour the whole experience.
I’m the same way. If he truly enjoys and wants a blow job then you need to be totally enthusiastic. In a way it’s not just the sensation it is part visual and you have to look and sound the part if you will. You have to be sexy. Put on eye make up. And say sexy sensual things to him. Bigger yet use the 69 position to show your beautiful privates to his eyes. I even love seeing sexy underwear myself. Basically you have to stimulate all his senses. But above all he needs to believe you really enjoy having him in your mouth. Think of it akin to overloading his senses to make him believe he is inside your other private part.

“The build up should be like a crescendo. You need to start increasing pressure and increasing speed. Some women like a side-to-side tongue motion in the clitoral hood, while other women like an up-and-down rhythm,” says Somoza. “Some will be more into the clitoral hood and others will be more into the labia. Judge your movement based on her response.” But whatever you do, do not jab at her like a machine gun, mimic eating an ice cream cone or pretend you’re writing the alphabet with your tongue. (We hope you’d know better than that anyway).
Now don't get me wrong I love giving head I always have but it's very discouraging when you can't make your own husband cum! He is in the military and left for training for a couple weeks and I wanted to do something nice for him when he got home so I bought your book. My attitude has been shit for the past couple years because I've been so frustrated and I really worked on that and I think I did a pretty damn good job! When he came home I tried out your advice and not only did he cum he said it was the best head he's ever gotten and he said his orgasm was deeper and more intense than its ever been! I also had a lot of fun and enjoyed making him feel so good. So just wanted to say thanks, it really helped!

^ Ken Plummer (2002). Modern Homosexualities: Fragments of Lesbian and Gay Experiences. Routledge. pp. 187–191. ISBN 1134922426. Retrieved August 24, 2013. The social construction of 'sex' as vaginal intercourse affects how other forms of sexual activity are evaluated as sexually satisfying or arousing; in some cases whether an activity is seen as a sexual act at all. For example, unless a woman has been penetrated by a man's penis she is still technically a virgin even if she has had lots of sexual experience.
To Control – Using sex as a weapon and method for controlling your man is a recipe for disaster. If you start withholding sex to try to get your husband to do something, then both of you are going to develop a negative attitude towards all things sex very quickly. Equally, promising to give him a blow job only if he does this or that is going to foster an unhealthy situation for your sex life.
Dirty Texts & Sexting – While your man is at work or is just out of the house, try sending him some dirty texts, letting him know about what’s on your mind and what you are planning for later. It can be something filthy like, “I can wait to feel you explode in my mouth tonight.” Or it can be something a little more reserved like, “Can’t wait to see you later…and my lips can’t wait either ;)” Or you can describe in detail the blow job tip you’ve just learned and are going to perform on him.
Your partner probably knows the position that’s most comfortable for her to be in, but if she’s open to suggestions, put a pillow under her butt to lift her pelvis up, which will give you great leverage—and make her feel fantastic. “Then, when she’s lying on her back, keep her knees wide,” says Somoza. “The wider she is, the more of an opening you have to work with. That helps with the sensation.” Somoza also stresses that the guy be comfortable too. “The guy may want to kneel on the bed with a pillow under his knees too, so he can just go to town.”
When Spiderman sees Mary Jane and becomes excited (boner time), Peter may peek out a bit. Start by lightly gripping the foreskin and rubbing his glans through the skin (that's a handjob for uncut fellas, kids). If his costume is loose enough, meaning that his foreskin has some give to it, gently pull the skin back a bit so that his glans is exposed and lightly tickle his frenulum with your tongue. It should be extremely sensitive.
Research has found that people also engage in sexual activity for reasons associated with self-determination theory. The self-determination theory can be applied to a sexual relationship when the participants have positive feelings associated with the relationship. These participants do not feel guilty or coerced into the partnership.[15] Researchers have proposed the model of self-determined sexual motivation. The purpose of this model is to connect self-determination and sexual motivation.[16] This model has helped to explain how people are sexually motivated when involved in self-determined dating relationships. This model also links the positive outcomes, (satisfying the need for autonomy, competence, and relatedness) gained from sexual motivations.[16]
It may be surprising to hear, but men love foreplay to be drawn out significantly longer more than most women think[3]. So, while giving him a quickie BJ can be super hot for both of you (like say sneaking away for a few minutes at a party), you’ll find that a slow, teasing build up is going to result in your man blowing a bigger load[4]…and a bigger smile on his face. This is probably the most powerful, but also the most overlooked blow job tip you can learn. With this in mind, here are a bunch of great “fellatio foreplay” tips that you can use before giving your man head:
Unlike the usual "power neutral" relationships and play styles commonly followed by couples, activities and relationships within a BDSM context are often characterized by the participants' taking on complementary, but unequal roles; thus, the idea of informed consent of both the partners becomes essential. Participants who exert sexual dominance over their partners are known as dominants or tops, while participants who take the passive, receiving, or obedient role are known as submissives or bottoms.
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Sometimes, it just pays to ask. Just like no two women are the same, no two men are the same — and neither are their fantasies. Ask your partner what his ultimate sexy wish is, and then indulge exactly that. Whether he's been dying to see you in a certain type of lingerie or have you dominate him, you'll only know if you ask. Assuming you're in a healthy, honest relationship, he'll be happy to open up.
Prolong ejaculation - Have you heard of edging? If you haven't, learn about it. It's essentially the act of bringing yourself as close to climax as possible, and then stopping. Then repeat. Do it as many times as you can before you literally want to explode. When you DO explode, it'll be one for the books! Plus as an added bonus, this practice will make you last longer when it comes to the real deal.
Keisha, I am sorry to hear that. Do you have the same issue with other guys? It might be an attraction thing (heck it might be a sexual orientation thing). I can’t see telling someone not to masturbate, though I could see offering to watch and learn and help, but you should find someone who is more compatible with you sexually, if sex is important to you. Mutual satisfaction is terribly helpful.
Speaking of working your man’s testicles…using your mouth to stimulate them is an excellent blow job technique that adds even more pleasure to your blow job. Whatever you can do to his penis with your mouth, you can do to his balls. The only big difference is that your man’s testicles are super sensitive to pain, so make sure you don’t apply too much pressure…or worse accidentally use your teeth on him!
During the orgasm phase, breathing becomes extremely rapid and the pelvic muscles begin a series of rhythmic contractions. Both men and women experience quick cycles of muscle contraction of lower pelvic muscles and women often experience uterine and vaginal contractions; this experience can be described as intensely pleasurable, but roughly 15% of women never experience orgasm and half report having faked it.[4] A large genetic component is associated with how often women experience orgasm.[4]

^ Jump up to: a b c d See here and pages 47-49 for views on what constitutes virginity loss and therefore sexual intercourse or other sexual activity; source discusses how gay and lesbian individuals define virginity loss, and how the majority of researchers and heterosexuals define virginity loss/"technical virginity" by whether or not a person has engaged in penile-vaginal sex. Laura M. Carpenter (2005). Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences. NYU Press. pp. 295 pages. ISBN 0-8147-1652-0. Retrieved October 9, 2011.


Adapt the classic oral sex position by wrapping your legs around your lover's shoulders. This can be slightly acrobatic, so try it for short bursts and see how you feel in this position. Wrapping your legs around your lover's shoulders is a way of communicating your enthusiasm and excitement during oral sex, and your lover may enjoy feeling the skin of your legs and thighs. Remember that enthusiasm while receiving oral sex is infinitely sexy; by offering yourself up and clutching your lover's head between your thighs, you're participating more fully, and communicating your desire and excitement for oral stimulation.
Each new partner does not come with an instruction manual, and you can’t always count on your partner to tell you exactly what she wants in the moment. If you’re looking for a hint or two to help you figure out what is working and what isn’t, you’ll have to rely on the next best thing: Her nonverbal cues. “Even if your partner is not a big moaner, her body will tell you everything you need to know," says Morse. Some signs to look for include quicker breathing, her body becoming flushed, a more engorged clitoris, more vaginal lubrication, and her thrusting her pelvis closer to you. "If all else fails, you can always ask her if she likes something or not — just be sure to phrase it in a sexy way so it sounds more like dirty talk than a request for feedback,” says Morse.
Drive him wild: "Gently flicking the raphe with your tongue feels great to most men," Cavanah says. "Let him guide you on how much pressure he likes, because the amount varies depending on the guy." To get him really hot, sip on very warm tea and then flick your heated tongue over this sensitive area. He'll lose himself in the new feelings, and novelty can make for more powerful orgasms.  
The first thing to know about going down on your lady is that if she’s not relaxed, she’s not going to enjoy it. “One of the sexiest things a guy has ever said to me was ‘get comfortable,’” says Los Angeles-based sex expert and radio host Lora Somoza. “The woman can get really self-conscious over how long it’s going to take them to orgasm, and if she feels like she’s with some guy that isn’t in a rush, that’s incredibly sexy.”
Trust and communication are essential here. The man must exercise enough self-control to keep the thrusting comfortable and pleasurable for his lover, while the receiver must stay relaxed and receptive enough to receive the thrusts. If you want to try irrumatio, we recommend having a hand signal in place to communicate if the thrusts ever get too deep or too fast. This oral sex position can be wildly thrilling for both partners if done with respect and awareness.
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